it HURTS!!!!!

love hurts. in a perfect world those two words would never be allowed to form a sentence. too bad my world is far from perfect. what happens when you get tired of trying just for your trying to go unnoticed.

like all fairy tales it started perfect, dream like even. but what most people don't realize is that nightmares are dreams too.

for a long time, i guarded my heart. shielding it from a cruel world. i thought if i pretended i didn't have one, i could never know hurt. a while i got along just fine putting up this front but deep inside i wanted more. i had gone so long without having to use feelings that i didn't know how to use.

then the unthinkable happened, i fell and i fell hard! i didn't care though, i finally was going to have something to catch and call my own. but it seemed as fast as my joy appeared it quickly dissolved, leaving me hurt, angry, and confused.

have you ever had the dream where you're falling and as much as you try, you can never pull yourself up and land on your feet, but you just never can? well that's me falling and the one thing that i thought would catch me is GONE. i'm falling so fast that i can see the jagged rocks waiting for me on the ground.

i have no idea exactly when it happened, but a hair line fracture has turned into an all out crack. i've tried for sometime to mend this but the crack only seems to grow deeper and deeper.

i've always ran from hurt, but this time i've tried to dig in my heels and face it. but the more i try, it feels like its no point. i'm ready to pack away my stilettos and lace up my high tops and run for the hills.

sometimes i wished it never happened but i'm glad it did. this little workout has proven that my heart works but maybe its time to put it away until the big show...

1 comment:

  1. well, you already know that i'm no stranger to heart ache pain and the like...however i also know that packing your heart away forever will not keep you from being hurt, it'll mean that you have another pain, the pain of being alone and without...that's never good either. I say that you take the time to hurt, feel it embrace it know that it's there and realize that it doesn't always have to be that way. Then I say that you put your heart back in your chest and leave yourself open for possibility, not pain, for hope not hurt...but you know that right?
    And start accessing what it is that you are interested in having, get a clear understanding of what you are willing to deal with vs what you are unwilling to deal with...you know what I mean? I have been hurt, multiple times by the same person, I have hurt others, I don't think that I am
    done with hurt or pain either, instead I am living learning and loving...and that's what you ought to be doing too...hell you're young...you have a whole life ahead of you...get ready for the pain and passion...cause you won't have one without the other at some point...
    love ya babes...
    know where to find me....