teenage love affairs are thought to be light and full of Disney like romance. dates to movies, concerts, and school sporting events. sadly, teen dating is not what it was in the 50's and 60's. today 1 in 3 high school girls will be abused by their boyfriends. now i am not piggy backing off of the rising topic because of the incident between rihanna and chris brown, as sad as it was she was not the first to be abused and she won't be the last. people might read this and ask how can i be so cold to say something so mean. my answer is because i stood where rihanna is, but she couldn't tack rape and pregnancy to her track record. i'd like to do something i never have done before, publicly speak about my abusive teenage love affair.
i was 15 years old in my sophomore year of high school when i started dating the young man i thought was the love of my life, s.l.. he was four years my senior, smart, funny, attractive, all the things a girl would want in a boyfriend. we had know each other for years and it seemed very easy to fall in 'love' with him. at first the dating was simple, he'd come home for the weekend and we would go out on dates, play basketball together, go shopping, and a few times even go to church together. a perfect couple to everyone that saw us, but that didn't last too long.
about 4 months into our relationship, s.l. grew tired of just kissing and heavy petting and he became very mean. often he would say things like, "you don't know how luckily you are, there are girls all over my campus that would love to be my girlfriend". then the subtle hints every once and awhile turned into strong warnings almost everyday. being raised christian i have values and morals and i was trying to hold on to my virginity for as long as possible. around christmas break that year i was ready to end this relationship because along with the constant pressure for sex, s.l. had become physically abusive, but he was rather smart about his abuse. instead of hitting me in front of people and leaving marks that would be visible to my family and friends, he would hit me in private(his car, a hallway,etc.) on my body, arms, and legs. because it was so cold out i was fully clothed and no one could see the marks. afraid to leave him for fear of what he might do, we continued dating through out the winter. i had just got my driver's permit and my dad would let me drive his car to school.
january 24, is a day etched in my memory that won't leave. i was just getting back into school after winter break, the day was finally over and i was walking out of school with my good male friend m.h. we were laughing and planning to go to our friend's house for a biology study group when i saw s.l. leaning on my father's pick up truck that i was driving. trying not to cause a scene i walked over to s.l., who in return started screaming at the top of his lungs, "so is this the guy you're fucking?", m.h. tried to calm the scene by introducing himself and explaining that we were simply platonic friends. embarassed and ready to leave i got in my car, s.l. jumped in the tow cab and wouldn't get out until i let him in. tired of the scene i did, and drove off thinking i could just take him home and he would calm down. as we pulled up in front of his house i thought he would just get out, but he started punching me in the face and pulling me into the street from the car. his being way bigger than me made it very hard to put up much fight. i dont really want to discuss the rape in detail, thats a part of my life i would just rather leave in the past.
about two months after the attack i noticed that my period was running later than usual and i grew concerned so i told my mom about it, she took me to the doctor and they found i was pregnant. i decided that even though i hated s.l. and probably would never be able to forgive him, that the baby should not be punished. the pregnancy was going to be carried full term and at the end i would keep my baby. sometimes our plans aren't what life wants for us, i miscarried after 4 and a half months.
***i have shared my story because i think people need to know that a relationship like this can happen to anyone, doesn't matter who you are. even the sweetest guys can change on you and if it does happen you should report it and soon.***