it HURTS!!!!!

love hurts. in a perfect world those two words would never be allowed to form a sentence. too bad my world is far from perfect. what happens when you get tired of trying just for your trying to go unnoticed.

like all fairy tales it started perfect, dream like even. but what most people don't realize is that nightmares are dreams too.

for a long time, i guarded my heart. shielding it from a cruel world. i thought if i pretended i didn't have one, i could never know hurt. a while i got along just fine putting up this front but deep inside i wanted more. i had gone so long without having to use feelings that i didn't know how to use.

then the unthinkable happened, i fell and i fell hard! i didn't care though, i finally was going to have something to catch and call my own. but it seemed as fast as my joy appeared it quickly dissolved, leaving me hurt, angry, and confused.

have you ever had the dream where you're falling and as much as you try, you can never pull yourself up and land on your feet, but you just never can? well that's me falling and the one thing that i thought would catch me is GONE. i'm falling so fast that i can see the jagged rocks waiting for me on the ground.

i have no idea exactly when it happened, but a hair line fracture has turned into an all out crack. i've tried for sometime to mend this but the crack only seems to grow deeper and deeper.

i've always ran from hurt, but this time i've tried to dig in my heels and face it. but the more i try, it feels like its no point. i'm ready to pack away my stilettos and lace up my high tops and run for the hills.

sometimes i wished it never happened but i'm glad it did. this little workout has proven that my heart works but maybe its time to put it away until the big show...